Harold's Really Bad Day
There.
Saturday began normally. It was cool and refreshing in the morning, but it warmed up quickly. I made a couple trips to the milk bar (Mama Cow) and then chased Ian a little. Grumpy old Auntie April told me to keep it down and Buttercup gave me a sneer. I'm almost as tall as she is, so, whatever. Holly Cow used to be fun to play with, but she's pregnant now and all grown up (so she says). She also brags because she belongs to the Church, rather than the farmers, as if I care. So, yeah, no fun to play with anymore. The big steers (they spook me with scary stories sometimes) were telling me something about 'my turn' is coming. Spare me. Anyway, it was a completely normal day in the pasture.
Then, the farmers were carrying a green bag and played with the chute thingy. I didn't think anything of it because they had GRAIN. Oh, sweet, lovely grain! They pulled the feeders into a weird spot and we followed. Then, they pulled them into the bull pen. I've never been in the bull pen. So cool! I wanted to see where daddy spent some of his time before he left for Texas. So, in we went. Of course, they closed the gate behind us. Then, the lady farmer shooed me into a spot in the bull pen where there was an extra fence. I like her, so I went there without complaining. Mama Cow yelled out to 'be good'. Huh? Well, into that chute thingy I ran and it stopped me. I was stuck. "Um, excuse me?", I said to the farmers that were there with their little farmer kid. The kid (he's my favorite) petted me and I figured the farmers knew I was there and would help me out soon. Then, the torture began. Cold wet stuff in one ear and then PINCH! Ow! Ow! Ow! "I'll talk! I'll talk! I have no idea what you want to know, but I'll talk!", I told them. Then, they stabbed my other ear and it felt heavier. Oh man, now I had one of those silly yellow earring things the big cows have. No one asked me if I wanted one. That would have been more polite. Then, the nasty bee sting things (must be the shots the steers warned me about). And, yuck! Gooey stuff down my back (it's supposed to get rid of worms. I don't have any worms, seriously. I would know!). Then, as if that wasn't enough, they ripped some hair off of my tail for 'genetic testing'. Dude, seriously? The final evil was this heavy thing they strapped onto my head. It felt weird and was itchy in, oh, about two seconds. Finally, the chute thingy opened and I was on the wrong side of the fence. I complained to the farmers, but they didn't seem concerned. Everybody else was back in the pasture and I was stuck in daddy's pen, all by myself. While I complained, loudly (sounded a bit more like daddy, actually. I think my voice is changing), everyone just stared at me from the other side of the fence. Mama Cow got all teared up with those weird happy tears mamas get. "What?!" I said. The steers were impressed with me. They were the ones that told me the news. "Relax, Harold", they said (they never called me by my name; always twerp, goober, etc.. what a moment). "You made it! You're going to be a herd sire, like daddy.". "Really?" I said. "What does that mean?". They both snorted, called me a twerp, and walked off. Big help they were. Anyway, all the cows, including mama said they were proud of me. They told me I would be going to my own herd soon to grow up with strange cows, and then they wandered off to eat. Okay, so I guess I'm going to be pretty awesome, like daddy. But it was still a Really Bad Day!
That's my complaint. Thanks for letting me vent. I gotta go. Gotta practice being awesome and doing, you know, bull things, like pawing up dirt and rubbing my horns on stuff. I have horns, really. They're short now, but they're growing.
Bye!
Harold
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